The Reason For All That I Do

2006-06-23T17:03:00.000-07:00

I give up. I'm sick of having such a pathetic excuse for a summer. I want everything to be fun and wild. Sure, I have friends. Hell, I have a ton of them. But, nobody ever calls anymore. So, whatever. I don't need anyone else to help me through this emotional pile of shit I'm drowning in. Fun for the world. I stopped listening to my heart. I refuse to be in love with anyone until I am sure I wont be hurt again. Until then, back to the books. I am studying things for all my courses in my junior year over the summer. Ontop of that, I have Driver's Ed and Modeling School. I'm also hoping to get a job in the near future. I'm filling out a few applications and hopefully some one will call me. Until then, I will stare at the stars in my backyard and hope that my life will turn out like a fairytale and I'll find my Prince Charming. Not happening.

A new day has...come I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
Through the darkness and good times I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you
Hush, love I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come
Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy
Hush, love I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come
A new day has...come
Ohhh, a light... OOh

2006-06-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

I dare you to tell the person who posted this the absolute truth of how you feel about them. I mean EVEYTHING that you think about them dont hold back. just do it.

So, come on everyone. Leave me a comment. I want to know EXACTLY what everyone thinks of me. Please, just tell the truth. I can handle most anything.

I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky
and I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my part
Cause I stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart
And I swear by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swearI'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the wall
And when (and when) just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care
Cause as the time turns the page
My love won't age at all
And I swear (I swear) by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there (I'll be there)
I swear (and I swear) like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there (I'll be there)
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear
And I swear (I swear) by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there
(I'll be there)I swear
(and I swear) like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there (I'll be there)
For better or worse (better or worse)
Till death do us part I'll love you
With every single beat of my heart
I swear I swear I swear

2006-06-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

I'm so gimpy right now and it's driving me insane. I have no where to go and nothing to do but write myself into oblivion. I mean sure, I pick up my crutches (curteousy of Flipper) and go sit outside but, it doesn't beat going to the YMCA and doing a few hours of open gym.

This summer, I'm making a change. I'm doing things for myself instead of for everyone else. So, if I don't answer some one's phone calls, I obvioulsy have a problem with you. Ask my mom, dad or brother for details. Then, when you can fix said issue, call me back. It will make everything go swimmingly.

Now, I am off to go gimpify myself some more. All I can say is, I'm sick of having to work three times as hard to get stuff done since no one can come aid the cripple.

Here's a song for some one close to my heart......

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I'd wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too
Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me
Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?
I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you(Yes, I do)
I'll be dreaming of you tonight Till tomorrow,
I'll be holding you tight And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be Then here in my room, Dreaming about you and me
Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you
Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin
Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said, "I love you; I love you too"
Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly...

2006-06-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well, the 2006 graduation ceremony was one I know I'll never forget. I was put on crutches again because of that. Lucky me, I fell and messed up my ankle. But, I did break down into tears. I know, I'm an emotional person. Some one told me that they wouldn't care if I died but, I don't think I believe them. It's their choice.

Some one very special mouthed some lyrics to me from the band area at the ceremony last night. It made me cry, just not out of sadness. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done. So, here's that song, just for him....if he cares.

Maybe it's intuition but some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes, I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see the missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life I knew
I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

2006-06-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

I’m smitten. I’m a blushing little school girl at the mercy of one special boy. No one saw that coming did they? It’s kind of strange. I never thought that I’d be the one at some one’s mercy. That some one who can control everything I feel with a simple gesture or a tiny utter of words. It’s crazy that some one can make me feel so…so confused. My thoughts are jumbled and I can’t seem to sleep anymore. He’s got me wrapped around his finger like a child following a stranger with candy. I just can’t seem to help myself. It’s making me crumble inside. My heart is on overdrive and is getting quickly worn out from all of this excitement. I just need to know if this is a fairytale that I’m living in. If so, will I have my own happy ending?

Sometimes, songs mean more than words, even if the lyrics aren't always that correct...

Brian Mcknight - Back At One Lyrics

It's undeniable
That we should be together
It's unbelievable
How I used to say
That I fall never
The basis is need to know
If you don't know
Just how I feel
Then let me show you now
That I'm for real
If all things in time
Time will reveal
One
You're like a dream come true
Two
Just wanna be with you
Three
Girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
Four
Repeat steps one through three
Five
Make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I start back at one
So incredible
The way things work themselves out
And all emotional
once you know what its all about, hey
And undesirable
For us to be apart
Never would have made it very far
Cause you know that you got the keys to my heart
One
You're like a dream come true
Two
Just wanna be with you
Three
Girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
Four
Repeat steps one through three
Five
Make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I start back at one
Say farewell to the dark of night
I see the coming of the sun
I feel like a little child
Whose life has just begun
You came and breathed new life
Into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the life line
just in the nick of time
One
You're like a dream come true
Two
Just wanna be with you
Three
Girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
Four
Repeat steps one through three
Five
Make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I start back at one

~Ash~

2006-06-05T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'm in a rather good mood and there's one person who knows why. It's kindof thanks to him....

So, this one is for you theatre rat....

Crash And Burn Lyrics

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

2006-06-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

Well, the heat has been driving me completely insane. Add exams onto that, a job, modeling school, hundereds of unfinished manuscripts and being completely love sick, I'd say I'm in for a helluva summer. But, I'm going to prove no matter what that I can handle anything that comes my way. Oh! I am also going to be taking Driver's Ed, so I'd advise everyone to stay off the road as much as they can. So, I just finished up my loverly history paper and I worked like crazy on it. I've only done that much reasearch one other time in my life and I think it was for a child abuse paper (which I might add, I got an A+ on) Gods, now I sound like some little kid. Well, I'm not. I'm just sick of people attacking my work because they are skeptical, hypocritical....I can't finish that sentence because I believe it might be inappropriate for blogger. Oh, goody-goody gumdrops. The forsaken computer won't let me see my blog page so I can't remember the song I put up on my last entry. Frick! Okay, hold on....

YAY! I also figured out how to get to any blocked page on the school computer. Ask me how. It's all thanks to a far away friend.

Home
Beauty and the Beast Broadway

Yes, I made the choice
For papa I'll have to stay
But I don't deserve to lose my freedom in this way
You monster!
If you think that what you've done is right
Well then....your a fool
Think again
Is this home?
Is this where I should learn to be happy?
Never dreamed That a home could be
Dark and cold I was told
Every day in my childhood
Even as we grow old
Home should be where the heart is
Never were words so true
My hearts far, far awayHome is to.
Is this home?
Is this what I must learn to believe in?
Try to find something good
In this tragic place
Just in caseI should stay here forever
Held in this empty space
Oh but that won't be easy I know the reason why
My hearts far, far away
Homes a lie
What I'd give
To return
To the life that I knew lately
And to think I complained of that dull,
and provincial town...Is this home?
Am I here for a day or forever?
Shut away from the home until
Who knows when
Oh but then
If my life has been altered once it can change again
Build higher walls around me
Change every lock and key
Nothing lasts nothing holds all of me
My hearts far, far away
Home, and free.

2006-06-01T11:00:00.000-07:00

I can't stand this anymore. I don't want to be in love, I don't want to be around. I want to just disappear. Not die, just fade away. I want to go sit and cry until I can't cry anymore. I think I just might go do that instead of going to Geometry. I'm no good at math anyways. I am the worst emotional basketcase on the face of the planet. Nobody really seems to mind me though. I'm just another person who takes up valuable space and time. That's how the cookie crumbles I guess. So, I am going to go sit in my sad little world and cry until some one either notices I'm gone and finds me, thus getting me in major trouble or until class is out. Either or. Nice knowing ya'll. I'm out.

The Reason Lyrics
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you